You didn't see me at TGS today because I'm off looking for Bigfoot. This is a type of plant Bigfoots use to camouflage their secret villages in the forest. Summertime is a good time to go Bigfoot searching because the high temperatures make them move more slowly. I will update you in a few months.

Also I heard this there's this guy who looks a lot like me except he's even cooler: Judah Friedlander The World Champion. And he's doing stand-up shows all over the US and CANADA this summer. Http://www.judahfriedlander.com

Maybe I'll check out one of his shows this summer.

See you in a few months.

Frank

Spoiled Manhattan kids wouldn't last a day in my neighborhood.

If Donaghy wants to raise his baby to be strong, he'd move to Queens. That'll never happen.

Stay tough,

Frank

This is why I live in Queens. You can find real meat markets like this on the Upper West Side. If Liz knew about this place, she'd never come in to the TGS. She'd be in Skype all day telling at me. I might start working here part time. Chicks love dudes who spend all day slicing up meat.

See you at the butcher shop,

Frank

Lynne and I went for a walk in the woods over the weekend. Good to get some fresh clean air. I'm juggling the soccer ball on my head with my hat on. My hat has a secret invisible message to Bigfoot written on it. I'm not telling you what it is because maybe you know Bigfoot and will email him this photo. Bigfoot never showed up to fight me, so I worked on my calcio (soccer) skills. Lynne snapped the photo. I'd show you a photo of Lynne, but she was nude at the time. And while she's a giving person, she will not share her nakedness with just anybody.

If you see Bigfoot, tell him I know he's afraid of me. Thanks.

Frank

It was a stressful week dealing with my mom, Lynne and Liz. But it all worked out.

My mom's the best because she always has food ready. Delicious, perfect Italian food. I don't even like going to Italian restaurants because they're not as good as my mom's. I love Lynne and I'm glad my mom doesn't hate her anymore. But Lynne doesn't know how to cook. But she's still a better cook than Liz. I've never seen Liz cook. But I've been in her apartment and I can tell that she has no idea how. I can cook better than Liz. Liz is good at eating. So am I. That's the only hobby we have in common.

I just hope Liz doesn't invite her over to my mom's for dinner too often, because Liz eats more than all of us. And then my mom gives her food to go. And then there's no leftovers to waste at 2:30 a.m. I don't care what time it is, don't care if it's hot or cold - I'll eat my moms eggplant parm every meal.

-Frank

It's time for pong training. Ping glasses on. Hat backwards. Ready. Who dares challenge me?

-Frank

This was a fun night. Eventhough ultimately it was another failed night for The Pranksmen.

Lutz got beat up. Somehow I spent most of the night in a dumpster with Toofer.

I've shared an office with Toof for several years now, and it's often been testy. Maybe waiting inside a giant garbage dumpster humbled his Harvard ego. Toofer just peaked at me writing this blog, and just informed me that "eventhough" is actually two words - but I don't care. I'm leaving it as one word. I'm a rule breaker.

Have a sexy weekend.

Talk next week.

Ladies - if you have any sexy beach photos - send them my way.

-Frank

These two are doing it. You should too.

I'd write more. But I'm doing romantic stuff with a female right now.

-Frank

Can you decipher it? It could be written in secret code. Or it could be grammatically correct as it is. Maybe it's one word. Maybe it's several. Did I make it? Or was it written by an alien to whom I'm teaching English? Let me know what you think.

-Frank